Ok, barf. Seriously.
Those who know me in real life know my extreme aversion to relationships with other living creatures. I ritualistically eschew any form of emotional attachment, and shy more than Nicole away from any person who may need me in any emotional way for anything. (There are notable exceptions to this, and they know who they are, but they are few and far between.)
It's not in my nature to form steadfast alliances with other people; rather, the individualistic components of my very nature aid me in effectively living my whole life inside my head, only to spew forth thoughts when it suits me. To be sure, I'm certain I give away more than I actually do, and I suppose this is why I'm very good at poker and deceiving people into thinking I feel nothing.
So, reader, you can imagine my shock to realize that, yes, indeed, I have found myself in a committed relationship.
At 4:30am this morning I was listening to "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John, and began reflecting on the lyrics:
"And someone saved my life tonight sugar bear
You almost had your hooks in me didn't you dear
You nearly had me roped and tied
Altar-bound, hypnotized
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye"
When reflecting on the above, this exact train of thought entered into my head:
"Thank God I still have sweet freedom...hooks in me is just about right...who the hell wants to be someone else's validation...boy, Nicole sure needs constant affection...no wonder I have no tolerance for anyone else's problems, I'm babysitting her all the time...Sophie isn't emotionally dependent on me...damn horse needs constant affirmation, just like a damn teenage girl...it's just like I'm married to her...oh, sweet Jesus, DAMN! I'm in a friggin' committed relationship with my horse!"
Most equestrian sports, including dressage, require teamwork between the horse and the rider in order to produce a successful partnership. This means the rider, especially, has to take the personality and daily moods of the horse into consideration - I have to do the same with Nicole. Some days she's in a great mood, some days she's more crabby.
Nicole, especially, seems very dependent on others to dictate her sense of self worth. She takes her cues from me and from other horses, and I have to watch myself if I'm in a bad mood. As a person who regularly avoids having to concern herself with other's needs, you can imagine the shock I am still in at realizing that somehow I've managed to accrue a co-dependent horse.
In a way I'm lucky - often I think that if Nicole were more alpha than she is, we would kill each other, because, you can probably tell, I have a strong personality. Nicole, a beta personality, thrives on being in the passenger seat. At the same time, Nicole is very opinionated, and I constantly have to suss out her moods, and meet her on the level she can function on that day, and make sure, to the best of my ability, she feels good about herself.
One could rightfully say that sometimes the horse, and her needs as an individual dependent on me for many things, forces me to come out of my own head and to see beyond myself for a while. Believe it or not, this is a scary thought for someone of my nature.
On the other hand, does this mean I can register and get a bunch of presents?
